Employee curates desktop plant collection, gets annoyed when coworker continually 'takes care' of them: 'My pothos got repotted [and] my succulent got moved'

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  • A woman waters a collection of houseplants on a table
  • Would I be wrong if I asked my desk mate to stop 'taking care of' my plants without telling me?

    Okay so this is going to sound like the most low stakes thing ever but it's been bothering me for weeks and I need to know if I'm being weird about it.
  • I have three small plants on my desk at work. A pothos, a little succulent and a peace lily.
  • I've had them for over a year, they're doing fine, I know their watering schedules, I know what they need.
  • They're honestly one of the few things that make sitting in an open office bearable for me.
  • My deskmate Priya is a genuinely lovely person and I have zero issues with her otherwise.
  • But over the past few months I've noticed things shifting. My pothos got repotted into a different pot while I was on vacation, no mention of it.
  • My succulent got moved to the windowsill "because it needs more sun" even though it was doing perfectly fine where it was.
  • Last week I came in on Monday and my peace lily had been trimmed, like actual leaves cut off, and there was a little note next to it saying "she looked a bit crowded :)" I don't think Priya means any harm at all, she clearly just likes plants and genuinely thinks she's helping.
  • But these are my plants? On my desk? I didn't ask for any of this and now I feel weirdly anxious every Monday morning wondering what's been changed over the weekend.
  • Like how do you tell someone "please stop helping my plants" without coming across as ungrateful
  • My husband thinks I should just let it go but it's been four months and it's not stopping on its own.
  • A collection of houseplants on a table
  • Meteor_6Fable You need to say something, politely but directly. "I know you mean well, but please don't move, trim, or repot my plants unless I ask." That's completely reasonable.
  • Oracle Shard3 Original Poster's Reply I think part of why I've been stuck is that I kept treating this like I needed some perfect speech, when it probably just needs one calm sentence like this and then moving on.
  • Mammabear9800 YWNBTAH but.... It might help to get her some plants of her own. When you give them to her say something like, "I see how much you enjoy taking care of my plants, I thought you'd like to have your own. This way we can each enjoy caring for our own plants." If that doesn't work, consider bringing them home each weekend. Best of luck OP!
  • Oracle Shard3 Original Poster's Reply That's actually a really kind way to frame it. Giving her her own plants might be the least awkward first step.
  • BrindleNova9 Four months of someone quietly editing your stuff is not low stakes just because it's plants. It would make me feel weird too, especially the Monday surprise part. Once is a misunderstanding, repeated repotting, moving, and cutting is a pattern. Bring it up now before you end up resenting her over a pothos.
  • Dramatic_Wealth8638 I would take them home and when she asks why you no longer have them in the office, tell her that you dont need a plant co parent and you know what youre doing.
  • kkrolla It will be a bit uncomfortable but just say, Priya, I really enjoy tending my plants on my own. Please don't tend to them anymore. And maybe get her a small plant as a "thank you" for her efforts. Say, I can tell you enjoy it though so I got you one (or 2). NTA.
  • DAMNacho Open floor plans are the worst! We were told it's about "fostering collaboration". We knew full well it's about putting the most butts in the smallest space possible. NTA. Buy her plants of her own & ask her to leave yours alone. They're part of your zen & she's messing it up.
  • Tsuki_Inari Oh wow, she repotted and trimmed your plants? No way! I would've already told Priya directly to stop touching my plants. That's clearly overstepping a boundary. You could say something like: "Hey, I know you meant well, but please don't trim or touch my plants. I take care of them in a specific way, and I'd prefer if they're left as they are." Or you could put up a note: "Please do not touch, plant care in progress." WNBTA.
  • shanthor55 No, that's beyond necessary. Just tell her to stop touching your belongings. Directly. "Don't touch my stuff" usually works.
  • Astr4|Motive This is one of those situations where being nice for too long makes it feel bigger than it is. You do not need a whole speech. Just tell her you appreciate the intention, but you want your plants left alone from now on. If she's as lovely as you say, she'll survive hearing that.

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